15+   — Make Time to Listen; Take Time to Talk
February (7-12)

Make Time to Listen…Take Time to Talk about Feelings

Some of the ways which we, as parents, unknowingly, stifle feelings in our children are:

• Rescuing - "You don't have to worry about it any more!"
• Punishing - "It's your fault. You're grounded!"
• Moralizing - "How could you be so irresponsible! When I was your age I would never have let something like this happen!"

While our intention is to teach you a lesson in the above examples, the results are often much different. The young person focuses on how unfair we are, or how bad they are. Some ways to positively encourage exploration of feelings are:

• Validate Feelings - "You have a right to feel that way. If that had happened to me, I probably would have felt the same way."
• Identify Feelings - "Sounds like you feel _______." -or- "That must feel _______."
• Listen Intently - Make direct eye contact and listen for what is going on in your child's life. Listen as if it were your best friend talking to you.
• Be Curious - "That's interesting. I want to know more about how you are feeling about that."

Besides allowing youth to experience and identify their feelings, you will be building a closeness in your relationship with them.